Introduction
Let’s talk today, briefly, about happiness.
There are a few things to say. As always, hit reply if you have any thoughts–I always enjoy hearing from you, even if you express disagreement!
Too many people have the “happiness equation” backwards. They’re pursuing happiness, and pursuing it HARD.
But I think for many, a better word would be “chasing.” They’re not simply pursuing happiness, they’re CHASING it.
There are lots of things we can chase. Chasing your dog down the street that slipped through the gate and got loose. Ever have that one happen?
Funny story: a couple summers ago, our little terrier bolted out the gate as I was in the alley taking out the trash. So I chased it out of the alley onto the sidewalk. I then see the dog running in the direction of the nearest intersection, where the city workers just poured fresh cement for a couple slabs of broken sidewalk, all roped off while it dried. The workers already left.
Guess where the dog ran. Straight into the 6-inch deep fresh cement–where she put about 6 or 7 deep holes, trying to run through the cement until I caught her.
But I did catch her, with a combination of anger and humor running through me. I grimaced as I thought of the city workers returning the next day to see their fresh sidewalk already destroyed.
Let’s move to something more challenging–have you ever tried chasing a rabbit? If you haven’t, you can imagine. Pretty impossible, unless you have a net, or a dog, or . . . something. But it’s still in the realm of possibility to capture a rabbit.
When it comes to chasing happiness and capturing it, is it like chasing my terrier? Or, perhaps it’s like chasing a rabbit?
I’ll up the ante. It’s ACTUALLY like chasing a unicorn. Or the mythical white stag. It ain’t gonna happen.
Or am I being too extreme? Perhaps you HAVE chased down happiness and actually have captured it. I’m glad to be corrected if that’s been your experience!
However, even if it HAS been your experience, and you HAVE captured happiness, I have 2 questions for you:
1) how long did you hold on to this “happiness” before it vanished and you needed to chase it again?
2) as you were in the process of chasing happiness, did you create UN-happiness, either for yourself or those around you?
TODAY’S MESSAGE
My premise is this: that happiness is an EFFECT, not a cause. Happiness tends to be more the RESULT of a number of other good things happening FIRST.
What are these “good things” that must happen first, that eventually result in happiness?
As always, I’m only offering a few ideas. This is not exhaustive. You probably have some great ideas I haven’t thought of.
So here we go!
Rather than chasing happiness, do the following, and “happiness” will be somewhere in there, typically as a result, but ideally part of the process as well:
1- proactively and planfully pursue a life in tight alignment with your core values and purpose.
It all begins here. The more we live lives OUT of alignment with these deeper parts of ourselves, the more frustrated we become.
Of course, it can move way beyond frustration to much more serious things, where life just doesn’t “work” anymore, and we get stuck in a deep rut.
And if you don’t know what your core values are, or what your purpose is? It’s all “figure-out-able”. If you want help, we can figure it out together.
2- stay connected to and exercise your strengths as often as possible–ideally everyday.
Research shows that, generally speaking, people who are exercising their strengths on a regular basis are happier than people who don’t.
As with core values and purpose, many don’t really know what their true strengths are, or are still learning. Hey, that’s ok–this is “learnable”!
Also, many are stuck in jobs where they never use their biggest strengths. And some have their personal lives set up like that, too.
3- do things that challenge you to expand and grow in meaningful ways.
There is much to say about this, but just focusing on the “happiness” topic, when we embrace a growth mindset and lifestyle, and lean into challenges and the DIS-comfort zone, wouldn’t ‘ya know it, happiness isn’t far behind.
FOCUS ON GROWTH (all caps intentional!), NOT happiness, and you’ll end up experiencing happiness. Conversely, focus on happiness, not growth, and whatever happiness you do experience will be fleeting. THAT I can promise.
4- help someone else’s life become better, without expecting anything in return.
There’s an old saying: “Better felt than tell’t”, meaning some things can be explained to us, but we only really “get it” when we EXPERIENCE it. And this is one of those things.
When you truly serve another human being, ESPECIALLY one who can’t repay you, you will feel something that absolutely nothing else will be able to produce in you.
Not to minimize the importance of just basic “helping out” a friend, or being an encouragement to a colleague. That definitely counts, too.
And don’t make it transactional. Just do it as a selfless act!! Or go ahead, make it transactional if you insist, but you’ll be eliminating 25% of my ways to find happiness.
Final Thoughts
So there you have it. 4 ways to “get happy”, if that’s important to you. What many have found, though, is that happiness is never an issue when they’re doing some mix of these 4 things.
Sure, there will be times when we get stuck, perhaps as we enter a life change or transition, or an especially challenging time, OR experience a painful loss. Those hopefully are time-limited situations and all will return to normal again soon enough.
However, these 4 “pillars” can endure in our lives, no matter what’s going on around us, if we commit to them.
That’s all for today! Until next time, take good care.
Sean