My Challenge to Men

 Gentlemen, 

We live at a time where strong men of intelligence, excellence, and moral virtue are needed more than ever.

There are threats without and within. We live in difficult times.

Too many men have forgotten who they are, AS MEN, and plenty of others have been confused about what healthy manhood is supposed to look like.

Still others are finding themselves acquiescing to what society tells them–that “there’s no difference between men and women”–but deep in their gut, this doesn’t sit right with them.

Men need clarity.

In my coaching, I am always sensitive to how my clients are doing as men in today’s world. Part of my mission is to support AND challenge men to consider their who they are as men.

Here are my CHALLENGES to all of us men. Carefully consider: 

♦ You have a profound purpose in this world, endowed by your Creator. The world needs you. Understand yours, and live daily out of this purpose.

♦ In addition to your purpose, you have roles to fulfill. When you’re not sufficiently fulfilling them, your “world” suffers in some way–in small ways at first, building negative momentum as you continue to underfunction in those roles. Level-up as needed.

♦ While women are awesome and extremely valuable in all of who they are and all of what they do, they are never able to replace men (just as men are never able to replace women), regardless of what society says. 

ONLY men can do what men can do as well as men can do it. 

Don’t abdicate your responsibility as a man so that a woman has to try to fill the gap you’ve created. She can’t fully do it, nor should she need to.

♦ Men were made for adventure and need worthy, meaningful challenges to pursue. Things that pull them out of their comfort zones, and call on them to be bold and daring. 

Current society can hamstring men in this regard, providing fewer opportunities than in times past, but we nevertheless still need to find these challenges. 

Men WILL suffer, in some way, without them.

♦ You’re part of an honorable lineage, as a man. Much of the “good” that we see in the world today and throughout history, has been the direct result of men’s skill, intelligence, and hard work.

Never allow those radical voices ever-present in our culture today diminish your importance and your value.

From the dawn of time, men have contributed by doing the following . . . most of these things ONLY men could’ve done:

building things–bridges over dangerous gorges; railroads through mountainous terrain; structures to store things and reside in; roads to traverse on; aqueduct systems to pipe in water from miles away; massive dam structures to regulate the flow of rivers; villages-towns-cities-societies-countries;

moving things–clearing land of massive trees, iron-like root systems, and heavy boulders;

providing things–taming and farming land, often in unforgiving conditions, to provide food; hunting and fishing, often at great risk and in dangerous conditions;

protecting things–standing at “the gate” and protecting loved ones and valuable resources from “man and animal” wanting to do harm, often sacrificing their own lives;

exploring things–and thereby making valuable discoveries in oceans, space, and circumnavigation;

inventing things–the wheel, the printing press, the steam engine, electricity/the light bulb, the telephone, the airplane, the internal combustion engine, antibiotics/penicillin, the plow, cement, the lens, paper, vaccines, the computer, the automobile, etc.

Of course, women are ALSO responsible for their invaluable contributions and a great deal of the good we see in the world is due to women–too numerous to count! MY focus, however, is building up and encouraging men.    

Men, you’re needed to CONTINUE building, in some way, especially where there has been destruction (ironically, often by men as well). Contribute and do your part.

♦ If you’re married with kids, that’s your primary responsibility. Build your marriage and family. 

Lean into being a father who is present AND engaged. And, it’s not only QUALITY time that’s needed from you, it’s QUANTITY time. 

Quality time can never make up for a lack of quantity time. Put in the reps.

♦ If you’re married, put in the work to stay married. You can’t control if your wife leaves (69-70% of all divorces in the US are executed by women, and among college-educated women, it’s 80-90%), but you CAN control if you’re going to be a great husband. 

Be one. 

And if you’re a long way off from being a great one, start where you are and keep working at it.

♦ Practice courage daily. Lean into your fear and keep moving forward in spite of it. Action dispels fear, much of the time.

Every day provides some opportunity to practice courage, even in small ways.

♦ Speaking of fear: make decisions based on principle rather pressure, on faithfulness and fidelity rather than fear.

♦ Men need other men, for support and challenge. Those trusted brothers who are in your corner and have your back. 

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Find your iron, and BE iron to another man. We need each other.

♦ Never compromise your convictions. Be willing to suffer for doing the right thing. Bravely face those who challenge your principles and convictions.

♦ Take risks, and be willing to make mistakes. Legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden said, “If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not doing anything.”

♦ Related to taking risks, and also related to courage, is the importance of taking action. 

There is a time to step away and calm down, to think, and to game plan, AND there is a time to ACT and execute. Do so boldly.

♦ Take 100% responsibility for your life at all times. Never think like a victim, which always leads to acting like a victim and talking like one, too. 

You may not be responsible for what happened to you, but you ARE 100% responsible for what you DO with what happened to you.

♦ Don’t avoid your problems, solve them. Don’t let them linger.

As General Colin Powell said, “Problems are not like wine. They do not get better with age.”

♦ Nurture and develop, by daily intentional practice,    classical virtue and strength of character.

Practicing the 4 classics of prudence (wisdom), justice (ensure fairness and respect others’ rights), fortitude (courage), and temperance (self-control) are a great start.

♦ Practice chivalry. If it’s rebuffed, smile and keep moving.

♦ Don’t be a complainer. If you have a legitimate complaint, always offer a viable solution.

♦ Speaking of complaining, never whine. Dogs whine–you’re not a dog.

♦ Life is hard. Lean in. Handle your business. And remember those around you are dealing with their own struggles. As the quote says, “Be kind, for everyone is having a hard battle.”

♦ Develop physical strength. A strong body matters. You don’t need to be a weightlifting champion (or even need to lift weights), but have some physical capacity. 

If you’re in poor shape, start where you are and incrementally level-up over the next year. 

Remember this: physical strength translates into “strength for life,” as it develops grit and mental strength (especially at higher levels of training).

♦ Build your mental strength. Practice good thinking skills. Develop grit. Exercise common sense, logic, and rational thinking. 

Don’t be so easily offended. Grow thicker skin if necessary.

♦ Control your spirit and manage your emotions. An out-of-control man is a weak man, at least in that moment.

♦ Fulfill your role as a protector. Protect the vulnerable, the “widow and the orphan,” as the Bible says. 

Stand in the gap between danger and the vulnerable. Of course, this begins with your family.

♦ Develop endurance. Expand your capacity for difficulty.

♦ Stand up for truth, and be willing to stand alone.

♦ Live by an honorable, virtuous code of conduct. If you don’t have one, get one.

♦ If you like, consider these 4 male archetypes, and consider them as a model for your growth, as a man.

KING: brings order out of chaos; maintains order; institutes structure; leads; brings peace and blessings.

WARRIOR: protects; moves into situations to resolve problems, neutralize threats, and prevent the spread of chaos; meets “the enemy” head on.

WISE MAN: uses knowledge, wisdom, and truth to inform and transform.

LOVER: actively lives out kindness, compassion, grace, mercy, and affection.